MoodleMoot.hu (Magyar Moodle közösség és konferencia)
How to Break Up with a Man
What’s the best way to break up with a guy?
“Mike, what is the best way to break up with a guy?
Just disappear myself? Phone conversation? Text? Email?
I hate people who just disappear, but still your thoughts would be appreciated.”
- Angela
Hey Angela…
Personally, I recommend sky-writing.
Really. Seriously.
For like a thousand bucks you can hire a guy to write a message in giant smoky letters on a clear blue sky.
“I’m Sorry, Bob. I don’t want to date you. I’m in love with your brother and you have an ugly cucumber that makes me want to die anyway” in 30-foot-high letters will get him the message… and you’ll get bonus points for creativity.
OK, not really. Actually, DON’T do that.
I’m really glad you wrote me this question because it lets me ruminate on worst way I ever got broken up with.
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When I was 14 years old I got a call from my then-girlfriend’s best friend.
“Hey Mike..”
“Hey, Jen.”
“OK, so… uh… Sally doesn’t like you anymore.”
“Really?”
“Really. She likes Jeremy now. She’s going to date Jeremy.”
“Uh. (sob) OK.”
“Are you OK?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Are you crying? Sally wants to know if you’re crying.”
“No. (Sob.) Of course not. It’s cool. Super cool. Fine. I don’t care. Really.”
“OK, BYE!”
And then I slammed down the phone and ran to my room to cry into my pillow while listening to Pearl Jam’s “Black” on repeat for 6 hours while my big brother mocked me.
So that was awful, and I really don’t recommend it because the guy you’re dating deserves more respect than that.
Here’s a few other ways you shouldn’t dump a guy no matter what:
1. Email (it might not even get to him.)
2. Facebook Status Update (everybody knows before he does.)
3. Ad in the local newspaper (nobody reads the paper.)
4. “Disappear.”
Actually, the “freeze out” where you just disappear and don’t reply to any of his messages is actually the worst way to end a relationship with a guy because…
A. It shows a total lack of guts or respect on your part.
B. It creates incredible stress and ANGER in a guy (just imagine how you would feel if a guy did that to you… then add testosterone.)
C. It’s just lame. You’re better than that.
(I got the freeze-out from a girl I was really into several years ago and it drove me absolutely NUTS.)
So how DO you break up with a guy?
Well, it depends a little on how long you’ve been together and how deep the relationship was, but you’ve basically got three options:
1. For a serious relationship that lasted more than a few months…
You’ve GOT to do it in person and look him in the eye. He deserves that.
2. If you’ve gone out several times and the guy has a reasonable expectation that this is going somewhere…
You’ve GOT to call him on the phone.
3. If you’ve just gone out two or three times in a casual way…
You can get away with texting him.
(Texting is way better than email, because you at least know he’s going to get the text.)
OK, now that we’ve covered HOW you’re going to talk to him, you’re probably wondering what the hell you should say…
And the answer is really easy.
You tell him the truth (without being mean). And then you shut the hell up.
The Biggest Break-up Mistake
The biggest mistake most people make when breaking up with somebody is they either LIE to soften the blow…
Or they talk WAY too much.
Both of these mistakes fail for the same reason…
Because they give the dumped person false hope and “hooks” they can use to claw their way back into your life when you’re trying as hard as you can to push them out.
For example…
If you lie and say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
That gives him the chance to think… “No, you’re awesome. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We can make this work.”
If you talk too much and say, “Nick, you’re a great guy but you’re 30 pounds overweight and you’ve got this really annoying habit of clipping your fingernails while watching Gossip Girl…”
That gives him the chance to say “But I can CHANGE! Gossip Girl is ENDING this year anyway! We can be together!”
So here’s all you do…
You say:
“Nick, you’re a great guy, but you’re not what I’m looking for and we’re not going to date anymore.”
(Important note: Notice how you don’t say “I don’t want to see you anymore” or anything else wiggly like that. You need to be direct and firm.)
And then you shut up.
If he says “WHY?” or gets angry or anything like that, refuse to engage.
Just say, “I’m not going to get into it or make this worse than it has to be. You’re a great guy, but you’re not for me. We had a good time together, but it’s over.”
And that’s that.
I know this might sound kind of mean, but as a guy I can tell you that it’s MUCH easier to deal with a breakup when you’re told flat-out that it’s over than to ride the roller coaster that so many women put us through.
So again…
1. Tell him it’s over.
2. Tell him there’s no way it’s not going to be over.
3. Shut up.
4. Then get back out into the world and find a guy who rocks your world.